


It's Hard to Sleep at Night

by SummerSnowflake



Category: ASTRO (Band)
Genre: Established Relationship, Flashback, M/M, Memories, Sorta crappy idk, but that's it no tears, fluff??, one sad scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-20
Updated: 2017-07-20
Packaged: 2018-12-01 19:48:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11493513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SummerSnowflake/pseuds/SummerSnowflake
Summary: Jinwoo has trouble sleeping tonight, but his memories of Myungjun and him may possibly help. Or distract him even more.





	It's Hard to Sleep at Night

**Author's Note:**

> Alternatively, the crappy Myungjin fic no one asked for but I wrote anyways

Maybe he shouldn't have drunk coffee at eight p.m., or Jinwoo really could not go to sleep.

He lies in bed, wondering why he couldn't fall asleep. The coffee should have worn off by now. He remembered to take his medicine, brushed his teeth, and set his alarm, but his mind plagues all thought. The air suffocates him, urging him to stay awake. He turns his head to see the man beside him, curled up in a ball for warmth. Jinwoo can't help but smile as he brushes his lover’s soft face gently. He rests his arms on his stomach as he hears the clock tick away all the seconds to morning.

He sighs and rubs his face quietly. Jinwoo spots his plushie through his fingers and he finds his current position familiar and warming.

Jinwoo remembers that day, when Myungjun came back from break. Myungjun rushed into Jinwoo’s apartment and laughed the familiar cackle that always makes Jinwoo laugh. Jinwoo was in bed, still sick from a fever. He had giggled when Myungjun cackled, but Jinwoo still felt terrible.

Jinwoo placed his hands over his eyes, begging Myungjun to go home in exhaustion. He was sick and needed to rest. Myungjun should stay home so he couldn't catch his fever. But Myungjun insisted that he stay, and he also said that he had something to make Jinwoo feel better.

Jinwoo wondered if he really did have something for him. Maybe medicine, food, or some good news that he can take tomorrow off work as well. Myungjun laughed and said, “Even better!” Jinwoo’s hopes fell quickly.

Myungjun rustled through a plastic bag, and between his fingers Jinwoo saw a small green plushie in the man's hands.

“Ta-da!!” Myungjun grinned. “It’s a turtle!”

Jinwoo was too tired to want to ask why Myungjun bought a turtle. Before Jinwoo could scold Myungjun for wasting his money, the latter had already crossed Jinwoo’s bedroom and held the plushie up in Jinwoo’s face.

“He's gonna keep you company, because you're gonna be sick for a long time since you didn't listen to me when I told you to wear a coat. And I'll be right outside the room, making you soup and getting your medicine ready because I'm the best boyfriend in the world!”

Myungjun placed the turtle on the nightstand and kissed Jinwoo’s forehead. Jinwoo made a face.

_You shouldn't have wasted your money. What am I going to do with this?_

“Hug it, obviously. It's a plushie. You're supposed to coo and gush over it as if it's your child.” Myungjun winked. “We need the practice.” Jinwoo sighed as Myungjun left the room.

“I'll be back in an hour,” Myungjun smiled back when he reached the doorway.

And he was back in an hour with a bowl of soup, a glass of water, and Jinwoo’s medicine just as he said. Jinwoo thanked him softly and grumbled when Myungjun still wouldn't leave.

“I'm not going anywhere, Jinwoo! And to prove it, I'm staying over tonight.”

He did stay over that night, and fortunately for Jinwoo, Myungjun decided to sleep on the couch instead of his bacteria-infested bed. Thankfully, Jinwoo felt better in the morning. He tried to thank Myungjun, but his boyfriend waved him off.

“It was all thanks to the turtle!!”

Jinwoo didn't want to tell him that the turtle didn't help at all, but in the upcoming nights without Myungjun in the same building as him, Jinwoo held onto that turtle like a lifeline.

He smiles fondly at the memory, holding a plushie every night to go to sleep. He turns his head to the sleeping figure next to him. Now, he doesn't need to anymore.

Still, Jinwoo cannot go to sleep. He recalls all the nights he couldn't sleep. Jinwoo remembers constantly texting Myungjun late at night because of stress or insomnia.

Myungjun would ask, “Do you want me to come over?” Jinwoo always said no. Myungjun always went anyways.

One night Myungjun brought a camera with him. Jinwoo stared at him strangely, wondering what Myungjun was up to. Myungjun giggled and took a picture of Jinwoo sitting on his bed tiredly. “You're so cute, Jinwoo.” Myungjun grins and snaps another picture.

“Now I can keep this forever. You're messy hair and all. When I get old, I'll look at this and remember how cute you were.”

Jinwoo sighed and didn't even ask why Myungjun carried a camera here. He told Myungjun to sit down next to him. The man bounced over and tackled Jinwoo onto the bed.

“I'm not here to play games Jinwoo!” Myungjun smiled. “This time, I'm going to help you get to sleep no matter what!” Jinwoo played with Myungjun this one time, pretending to have fallen asleep without his boyfriend’s aid. Myungjun teasingly shook Jinwoo, asking for him to wake up again.

Jinwoo laughed and sat up on the bed before being tackled again. Myungjun helped him get under the covers and they lay there, warm from their breath and laughter. Jinwoo blinked once, then twice, then closed his eyes. Myungjun placed his camera on the nightstand next to the turtle plush, then snuggled into Jinwoo’s arms. Myungjun sighed into Jinwoo’s broad chest and smiled.

“This is where I want to be forever.”

Jinwoo believed that Myungjun thought he was already asleep and wouldn’t be able to remember his words in the morning. But Jinwoo did hear him, and he did remember in the morning. And every time he felt the darkness choke him at night, Jinwoo would remember. He would always fall asleep afterwards.

He thinks of the photo Myungjun took that night. Jinwoo wonders if he still has it somewhere, stowed away in a secret box or drawer. The thought of Myungjun looking at that photo in secrecy warms Jinwoo’s chest and makes his heart soar in embarrassment.

His mind races to another memory, this time taking place late at night during a movie. Jinwoo was starting to get tired from the lack of excitement in the movie. He held Myungjun close that night and Myungjun happily melted into the embrace. Myungjun was playing with Jinwoo’s fingers, intertwining them with his or softly caressing Jinwoo’s fingertips. Jinwoo noticed this, and he watched Myungjun compare Jinwoo’s hands with his own. After silently contemplating that Jinwoo just had insanely large hands and Myungjun did not have incredibly tiny ones, Myungjun held Jinwoo’s hand closely to his chest.

“I want to live with you.”

The proposal was sudden but Jinwoo was too tired to care. Myungjun explained how they would do it. First, since Myungjun had less stuff than Jinwoo, it was decided that Myungjun would move in with Jinwoo. Jinwoo wondered how much smaller the apartment would feel after his boyfriend moved in. Frankly, he didn’t like the thought of too much clutter, but he did enjoy the feeling of having Myungjun around him all the time.

He liked the way Myungjun would play with his fingers when he was bored with a movie. He liked how Myungjun was always so determined to take care of Jinwoo no matter what. He loved how Myungjun kissed the turtle every time he visited, and Jinwoo wanted to see that happen everyday. He loved hearing Myungjun laugh behind a camera as Jinwoo plopped himself into a silly pose. Jinwoo wanted that forever, so he let Myungjun into his heart forever.

“I thought you would say no,” Myungjun chuckled. “But I guess you really do love me.”

Jinwoo did love Myungjun. So when Myungjun’s birthday came around, he chose a special gift for him.

He had pocketed the gift and was waiting for Myungjun to walk into their apartment. Jinwoo impatiently shook his legs and nearly knocked over the coffee table when Myungjun entered the apartment. Jinwoo grinned and called Myungjun over, only for his smile to falter at the sight of Myungjun’s face.

“Jinwoo?” Myungjun whispered. It sounded like a whisper. Or an echo, as if the space between them was growing and the world around them disappeared.

Jinwoo stepped forward and took Myungjun’s hands. He began to ask what had happened when Myungjun pulled away and placed his right hand on his left arm. Jinwoo stood frozen in his own time.

The world was changing and Jinwoo didn’t know how or why.

“I’m sorry.” Myungjun’s eyes found Jinwoo’s but they fell to the floor quickly. “Can I talk to you?”

Jinwoo could barely mutter a reply.

“I know you care about me, so I want you to be honest right now.” Myungjun inhaled deeply. “I love you, Jinwoo.”

Jinwoo knew that Myungjun loved him. He did. And his heart leaped out at the words, but then it crept back into its cage when he glimpsed at Myungjun’s eyes. He said the first sentence so carefully and fearfully, as if Myungjun was afraid of a non-existing truth.

He felt something break. Jinwoo couldn’t hear it, nor could he see it. But something between them broke the instant Myungjun lifted his head. There was an uncertainty, and Jinwoo hoped that Myungjun would find it and choose it instead of whatever else was in Myungjun’s head. Whatever was in Myungjun’s head, Jinwoo realized, wasn’t real. But the man was choosing it anyways.

“Jinwoo, do… Do you...” Myungjun chokes. “Do you think we should...”

Jinwoo feels his mouth dry up. He didn't want this to happen. He wanted Myungjun to pick being together, and not an unreal fake love. Jinwoo doesn’t want to hear it from Myungjun. He doesn’t want to hear that Myungjun was the one who wasn’t happy. He panics. Jinwoo doesn't know what to do. So he says it first.

There was something in the air that made Jinwoo sick. Myungjun stares in surprise at Jinwoo, and the latter understands how much worse the situation is. He made it so much worse.

“What?” His voice crumbles under pressure. Myungjun’s lips shake.

Silence, then Jinwoo repeats himself.

And just like that, there was nothing. Or almost nothing, because now the only ties that exist between them is memories. And the memories were terrible, because there was something missing from it. Jinwoo thought that maybe he should forget this.

Forget Myungjun. Forget everything between them. But it hurt. It hurt him a lot more to forget than to let go.

So he thought he should call for Myungjun again and apologize.

Forget this situation. Forget that they never wanted to leave each other. But there was a chain on Jinwoo’s words, restricting them from leaving. And he thought that it wouldn’t work anyway. That telling Myungjun he was sorry wouldn’t work. Asking for his forgiveness wouldn’t work. Because they loved each other on two different levels that wouldn’t work together.

No one said anything. Unless Jinwoo forgot. Or Jinwoo couldn’t hear him. He does remember one of them saying, “I won’t bother you anymore.”

Neither of them did.

Jinwoo feels the bed shift and his lover pulls him closer. Jinwoo smiles and feels the knots in his chest unravel from the warmth between them.

Jinwoo wonders if he still misses Myungjun. He still keeps the turtle beside him every night, and he never moved it. He always kept the photos he has of Myungjun in a separate drawer from the others, yet he doesn’t look. He still has the gift as well, in some cardboard box stowed away somewhere in the closet. 

No, Jinwoo probably doesn’t miss Myungjun. Maybe there will come a day when he does. Jinwoo finds it difficult to think about that day.

He wonders if Myungjun misses him. Jinwoo hopes he doesn’t, and for some odd reason he gives himself a reason why Myungjun shouldn’t miss him. It isn’t because Jinwoo has moved on. Jinwoo doesn’t want Myungjun to be sad after all this time. He hopes Myungjun is happy wherever he is.

He pictures Myungjun smiling at him fondly, trying to get Jinwoo to drift into slumber. Jinwoo finally falls asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> obviously this is really bad because i cant plot correctly for the life of me
> 
> Comment pls I'm lonely


End file.
